Sometimes I wonder if I am so into BTS that it is affecting me so badly. And sometimes I wonder if I am the only person out there who experience this. Hopefully not.

I'm not sure if all of you guys received the 'Love Yourself' albums yet but mine came today and I was just reading the 'Thanks to' section. And Jin's Thanks To actually made me cry. It was not like a very significant sentence if you just read it like this but it gave me such a huge impact.

In his final paragraph, he wrote that he prays for armies everyday, wishing that we will always be happy and that good things will happen to us. For reason, I suddenly got emotional when I read that sentence and the next moment I was crying.

Yes, I feel that its very exhausting and tiring now which made me feel that I depend even more on BTS. Idol-fan relationship is really strange huh? Somehow I wonder what would I be doing now if I had not become a fan of BTS. Just like 'Piped Piper', its amazing how accurate they describe the situation of armies. You can't help but get hooked to them. You just want to check twitter constantly, daum cafe, watch their mvs and listen to their songs etc. Our parents or friends may think that we are overreacting and stuff but we just can't help it. Its pure dedication and it definitely came from our sincere heart.

Honestly I feel that I have no luck when it comes to ticketing for pre recordings and sadly to say, I failed for 3 round already and it really kills me when you see people you follow on people get into pre-recording. It's the same for fansigns. I'm pretty sure these days you need at least a minimum of 200 albums before you get into fansigns. And I'm not sure why is there a prejudice against foreign names?? I heard that you need twice the amount as compared to Koreans before you even stand a chance in getting into fansign. Despite that having set, I am still just going to try my luck to get into fansigns even though I can only purchase perhaps another set more.

Just like what 'Sea' has in the lyrics, '희망이 있는 곳에 반드시 시련이 있네'. Im going to stay positive although I know my probability of getting in that fansign is maybe 0.0001%? Hahahaha. Then again there is THAT possibility so not all hope is lost. It may sound delusional as of now but I always believe in the fact that unless you try, you never know. You really do not know what will happen and there is always this hope which you can depend on. And if you don't get chosen again, hey, at least you know you tried. And you just helped the boys increase their album sales. I believe it's all about perspectives and you have to trust yourself that you are doing the right thing.

No matter how much money you have, it doesn't matter as long as you love the boys truly. I feel that yes, it is sad that I'm a poor undergraduate in her final semester of university and I don't have the money to spend on 200 albums, I still do what I can do to support the boys. Melon streaming, youtube mv looping, spotify looping etc. Just do what you can do to help the boys. And things like voting too. It just takes a small percentage of your phone space to download apps to vote for the boys. It's not difficult. It just shows how much you are willing to support the boys, how much you are going to go for the boys. And please don't let what other people think pull you down.

Sometimes I get judged for supporting the boys. Yet I feel that I have the ability and I am not afraid to show the love I have for the boys. I mean, if you really love somebody, I am pretty sure you will go all the way for them right? So what's wrong with the idols? Hahaha..

Alright, this seems to get off track on what I originally planned I writing but I hope at least I made my point. I always get inspired by BTS and I feel like thats what I am living off from them now. They make me feel happier and gave me a new perspective about life. They will and continue will.

Love myself.
Love yourself.

The fan culture here in Korea has been changing as time goes by and it is definitely different from how it was before when I just came to Korea back in 2012. Now in 2017, fans are getting much more creative with the way the celebrate with their idols' birthday and I think it is really interesting on how they did it.

The very first time which I had encountered fans making into a cinema theatre into a 'BTS' theatre was during their 4th anniversary back in June. It was really interesting because fansites actually went to design a whole stretch of wall with the photos which they took throughout the years. To me it was pure dedication and it allowed the movie goers to actually notice the design when they walked through the corridor leading them to their designated theatre.

For Jungkook's birthday, one of the his largest fansite, Snow Peach, as many of you would have known, went to create a JK theatre just for him. It only had one wall of his pictures but hey it was still dedication and effort. I really enjoyed how fansites spent so much time and effort in allowing not just the boys but also the rest of the fandoms to enjoy such tiny things. To me it was really cool because you don't get to see such level of fandom in other countries. If you do, please let me know.

That aside, I felt that one of the reasons why I am writing this post today is because of some of the issues which I had noticed from the increasing number of fansites spending large amount of money for their idols. Personally I believe that if I had the amount of money which they did or if I'm rich I would definitely spend money on branded clothes and gifts for the boys.
These are only 4 fansites of JungKook and look at the amount of gifts he is receiving. Wow. I'm really impress by how large his fanbase is and I do feel happy for him. During the time when I was reading the comments, some armies thanked the fansites for always putting in effort and gifting him with awesome presents whereas some armies felt that the money spent on branded goods could have been done and spent in other areas such as donations towards the need. Well, if you ask where I stand in this question, I would say more towards the latter.

Of course I would want to gift my idols clothes, perfumes, accessories which are branded but sometimes I also think that it would be better if those money were being spent in areas such as donation for the needier people. That would also definitely be a good cause because others would also get to know their name in a good manner too. I feel that because usually fansites get their fundings from the goods they sell and exhibitions most of them use their own personal money to get those expensive gifts. I have no right to tell them what gifts suit the boys because it is their money and they have their own choice to decide what they want to buy and how they want to spend they money which they had earned.

As a result sometimes I feel like it became a competition between fansites as to who is giving the boys better and more expensive gifts. Some fans might feel that I would want to support this fansite master more because he or she has the tendency and capability to provide the boys with better and nicer gifts. I view this as a rather negative point because I feel that you cannot judge someone's love for idols through the price of the gifts. It is the same as to how many albums or how many merchandises you have for your idols. No. They don't equate to your love for them. I believe is how you stay and support them when they need you. That's pure idol love.

And so which leads me to another point for Rap Monster, our leader of BTS. I will just refer him to Nam Joon here because I find it easier. I recently met an acquaintance who is a fan of Nam Joon and she used her own money to bought a really expensive branded autumn coat for him. It costed around one semester of tuition fee for me but I mean if she's rich and she's alright with it, I'm cool too. I was just surprised by her words. She told me she wanted Nam Joon to feel as loved as Jung Kook because there's honestly not a lot of fansites left for Nam Joon as compared to Jung Kook who gets like birthday buses and trucks etc. That made me kind of sad too because I really do like Nam Joon and I believe without him, none of the bangtan memebrs would be here now. There would be no JK in the team. I wish that people would see his talent and recognise him like how the fans do.

Well, this is just what I feel recently and feel free to let me know what you think about the fandom culture here in Korea. ^^

Cheers.